Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
third nipple confirmed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
