before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
