she smelled like a LAN party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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