Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
