The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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