I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
