I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
