when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
