You're so nebulous sometimes
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
