She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
