You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
