Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
