i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if only i could text you this smell
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
how drunk are you?
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