I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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