I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
