Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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