My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
