White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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