Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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