I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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