I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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