This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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