why didn't you poke me back
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
