Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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