So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
