I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
