I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
