i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Boobs are out for the taking
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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