My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
