so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
