Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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