Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude. I can hear the air.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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