would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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