Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
