I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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