May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
