I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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