I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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