Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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