how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
