he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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