she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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