david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
