Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
