the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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