seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
