Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
