YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
