last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
