woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We are all done wearing pants today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
