in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
