So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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