At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
