I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
