Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
