you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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