I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
